Eye Contact

This is a poem which was written by a man who wanted to believe he possessed the qualities required to become a free-styling rap singer. The meter and structure go out the window in this one, but maybe my rapping friend could argue that is the soul of 'free style' . Judge for yourselves, my readers.

Eye Contact

He always says nothing; but he has a mountain to say,

he feels helpless knowing that she'll go away,

he's angry at himself and her, in a way,

because deep down he wishes she'd sit down and stay. 

They meet when he's strongest; 

For me it was the day,

When he's strong he's ashamed 

of the part that he played:

He's failed yet again, and knows who to blame. 

She takes many forms: friends, crushes, sisters,

oblivious of how his mind has been twisted,

how dark the places that last night he visited. 

He lashes himself with his own sense of Honor,

after so many failures his mantra seems hollow,

But denial tastes bitter and a tough thing to swallow. 

It's sad just how easy he can say that "I'm broken."

It's freeing at first, after that's spoken. 

But then it seems that the gates of his pride are ripped open,

leaving him free to sink in his poison. 

Dammit! He curses, there must be point to this shame,

surely there's a purpose for disappointment and rage,

surely dreams and ideals have not passed from this age-

can I ever live wholly, can I ever live free, 

is there a chance that I'll always want to be clean?

Wanting. Now there's the stuff. 

What we desire controls us, it will shape what we love. 

If I want to climb higher, will that be enough? 

Christ knew this in a world of hard iron and stone,

that evil is inside us when we think we're alone;

That it is in our own hatred where the murder is done,

and we fail and betray Her with the lust from day one. 

God save me! he cries, maybe this time he means it. 

The Lord works in our weakness; He cleans and redeems it,

Given chance after chance, at last he'll wake up and seize it. 

It's hard to be clean without wanting to change,

It's easy in the pigsty to stay just the same, 

But once from all his addictions he tries to escape,

The prison collapses from this leap of faith. 

Leave it all behind, every last indulgence!

the small ones are seeds for their unstoppable parents

If this leaves you alone - become a knight errant,

those demons will scatter once you take up forbearance. 

They'll seem like good friends- with which you had fun,

reliable mates with whom you've had a good run-

Damn them to hell, those devils are lying;

they were sucking your blood and your true life denying. 

What he really was chasing

when he bought all their lies

was a word with that lady 

and to look in her eyes. 

To be a man to his woman,

and a son to his God,

to win the battle for honor

 he did not realize he fought.

Oh yes I know how heady are the drinks Satan serves,

but I've tasted sweeter things in Christ's endless reserves.

Once you've felt the free air hit your face with sting,

You can't just go back to hell's stale gathering

of the objects and toys that broken men buy 

because they're ashamed that they won't look Her straight in the eye.